Discernment counseling is a specialized form of counseling aimed at helping couples on the brink of divorce explore their options and gain clarity about the future of their relationship. Unlike traditional marriage counseling, which aims to solve marital problems and improve relationships over a series of sessions, discernment counseling is specifically designed for couples who are considering ending their relationship but want to take a thoughtful approach to make a final decision. This article delves into what discernment counseling is, how it works, and the benefits it offers to couples facing these pivotal decisions.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling was developed for couples where at least one partner is leaning towards divorce while the other hopes to rebuild the relationship. The primary goal is not to solve marital problems but to explore three paths: staying in the marriage as is, pursuing a divorce, or committing to a six-month period of intensive marriage counseling with divorce off the table.
Key Components of Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is structured uniquely and typically involves a limited number of sessions — usually between one and five. Each session is designed to help couples understand what has happened to their relationship and decide whether they are capable and willing to remedy it. The key components of the process include:
- Individual Reflection: Much of the counseling involves one-on-one conversations with each partner, allowing the counselor to understand each individual’s feelings and perspectives without the pressure of the other partner’s immediate reaction.
- Couples Dialogue: Sessions also include conversations between the couple, facilitated by the counselor, to foster better understanding and communication regarding their feelings and thoughts about the relationship.
- Exploration of Three Paths: The counselor helps the couple contemplate three paths: 1) Status quo, 2) Divorce, and 3) A wholehearted attempt at reconciliation through therapy.
The Role of the Counselor
In discernment counseling, the counselor acts as a neutral facilitator who does not advocate for saving the marriage nor moving towards divorce. Instead, the counselor provides support and guidance as the couple explores their options, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected in the process.
Benefits of Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling can offer several benefits to couples:
- Clarity and Confidence: It helps partners make informed decisions about the future of their relationship with clarity and confidence, reducing the uncertainty that can accompany such significant decisions.
- Understanding Personal Dynamics: Couples gain a deeper understanding of what has led to the disrepair of their relationship, which can be valuable whether they choose to stay together or separate.
- Peaceful Resolution: For couples that choose to separate, discernment counseling can lay the groundwork for a more amicable divorce because the decision is mutually understood and agreed upon.
Who Can Benefit from Discernment Counseling?
This type of counseling is best suited for couples who are mixed-agenda about the future of their relationship — where one partner is leaning out of the relationship and the other is leaning in. It’s particularly useful for couples who want to ensure they have considered all possibilities before making a final decision about divorce.
Conclusion
Discernment counseling is a crucial resource for couples at a crossroads, offering a structured environment to explore the potential paths forward for their relationship. By participating in this counseling, couples can navigate the complexities of their feelings and decisions in a supportive, respectful, and informed manner, whether the outcome is reconciliation or parting ways with understanding and respect.